i'd give up forever to touch you
by bonkaiqueen
Summary: "I mean, I'm twenty-three and I'm getting married. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen." Bonkai AU. One-shot.


"Bonnie, I need to finish your hair," Elena says, studying her best friend's face, which is surprisingly calm, contrary to her sweaty palms.

"Yeah, okay." Bonnie sits back in the chair, and immediately gets back up again, wringing her hands.

"You know, maybe we haven't really thought this through! It's all happening too fast, you know?" she exclaims. "I've only known Kai for a couple of years. I mean, I'm twenty-three and I'm getting married. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen."

"Love doesn't exactly let you choose," Caroline adds, coming in and shutting the door firmly behind her.

"Yeah, I guess but what if it doesn't work out? What if we both realize that we both don't see anything in each other anymore? What if it ends badly and for the rest of my life I regret ever saying 'I do'?" She paces back and forth between the mirror and the sofa.

Elena and Caroline share a look. "Look," the brunette says carefully, "I know for a fact that if you don't do this, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Bonnie, you are in love with Kai, and I am absolutely sure that he loves you. Possibly even more."

"But - "

"And you said it yourself, he's great in bed," Elena adds, giggling and poking her best friend.

"I get it, you're scared. But you shouldn't be." Caroline reaches out and grabs Bonnie's hand. "And I've waited forever to be a bridesmaid at your wedding, and I'm not going to let your cold feet ruin that!"

"I love you both, I really do," Bonnie's voice trembles as tears threaten to tumble down her cheeks.

"No, no, you are not ruining the makeup." Elena's eyes widen as she pulls a Kleenex out of her bag. "I spent two hours on this! What on earth would you do without us, Bon?"

"I honestly don't even know," Bonnie admits.

There is a knock on the door, and Caroline inhales before opening it. Abby walks in, smiling, holding a hand to her mouth as she gazes at her daughter in awe. "Oh, my god, Bonnie. You look beautiful."

Bonnie holds back a pleased smile as she hugs her mom. "You think?"

"Definitely. Now why aren't you in your dress yet? And your hair - it's not done yet!"

Twenty-five minutes later, Bonnie stares at the mirror in front of her and adjusts the strap of her white, floor-length gown. "So, this is happening," she breathes out. She can't believe it. She was the sensible girl - the one who didn't date all through high school, the one with good grades and model behavior. And she had blown it her sophomore year at Whitmore - meeting Kai.

Because she didn't want a future without him. Because she couldn't imagine one without him in it.

There is another knock at the door and Rudy's voice sounds. "Bonnie, darling, we're starting in five minutes."

"Well, that's our cue," Elena gestures to herself and Caroline. "You'll do great, okay? I love you." They smile reassuringly at the bride-to-be and leave, footsteps echoing in the now quite room.

"I love you," Bonnie repeats, her mouth suddenly dry. Grabbing a bottle of water, she takes a few sips and swallows.

"You can do this, you can do this," she whispers to herself. She smooths her dress and takes one last look in the mirror. What she sees surprises her - she is beautiful, she is elegant, _she will take everyone's breath away._

The three taps on the door are so quiet she almost doesn't hear them. "I'm coming, just a minute!" she calls out.

There is a silence so loud it hurts, and then she know. "Kai?" she breathes out.

"Bon?" Kai's voice says her name so shakily that it breaks her heart.

"You can't come in."

"I know. I just - " he swallows. "I wanted to see you."

"I want to see you, too. I - I'm scared."

"Me, too," he admits. He rests his head against the piece of wood that separates them, wanting to hold her. She stands on the opposite side of the door in the exact same position.

"I love you," she whispers. "Are we - are we really doing this?"

"I know that I'm in love with you," he says. "And I know that I'll always be in love with you. So if a marriage makes this official, I'll do it. No question. I want this, Bonnie. I want you. I've wanted you for as long as I can remember. So I'm going through with this. I won't quit on you. I'll do this if you do." He hesitates. "I know we're not perfect. I know that we've had our ups and downs, and sometimes I get angry when I shouldn't, and you're too stubborn for your own good, but I love you that way. That's why we work."

And in the moment, Bonnie can't take it anymore. She needs to be next to him, to feel his warmth enveloping her. "Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just, please."

"O-Okay."

Bonnie closes her own eyes and opens the door. Reaching out, her fingertips brush his cheek. She moves closer and holds his face in her hands. Leaning in, she murmurs, "I love you so damn much." She presses a promise against his lips. And he feels it, he feels _I love you_ , and _We're doing this_ , and _I'm all in._

"Go," she whispers, drawing back.

* * *

A/N: Title - _Iris, Goo Goo Dolls_

Wrote this for Bonkai Appreciation Week in summer, but I forgot to post it here, oops. This is an AU/AH, and it's very short and sweet, I think. I may add more if I find inspiration, but for now it's a one-shot. Please review!


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